Monday, November 7, 2011

So what do you do?

It's amazing when your prayers start to be answered all at once and you are left confused and even stressed about it. Good news shouldn't come with strings attached!

I was downsized from the company I worked for over three years with back in January. I handled it with stride and enjoyed my time off from working so I could focus on school (and all of the hiccups that occurred within my family). I've been applying to jobs, I've even been on a dozen or so interviews. Nothing has come from any of them.

When I applied to school for the spring semester, I loaded up my schedule with everything I needed and wanted, and happily went on my merry way. For about twenty-four hours. Then I received a call about a job I had applied, interviewed for, and was turned down for the previous week. They wanted me to come back in for what I thought was a second interview (this time with the big boss) and also for a background and reference check. After class Friday morning I dashed downtown only to find out that it was a conditional job offer(!).

Finally. My luck is changing. I worked it out in my mind that I could take one or two classes in the morning then go off to work, and possibly take the rest of my classes at night. That is, if they offered the classes at night. My school schedule is quite delightful, really. Five classes over five days with a class each day starting at 8am. I also had about three hours with of "study" time each day between two classes. It was a beautiful schedule. As much as I am not too keen about taking all of my classes in the evening, it is what needs to be done so that I can get back to work.

The hiccup in this plan, of course, is that not all of the classes I wish to take, and need to take for my major, are available in the evening or online. Drats.

This has left me in tears.

This job I have wanted for months. I have applied to it multiple times. It's with the courthouse and would tie in with what I am going to school for.

But what about school?

So far I've been told I could get a job on campus but it wouldn't be about twenty hours a week. It's not enough for me and my family, unfortunately. I think it stresses me out more because my academic adviser doesn't quite get that I am a non-traditional student: I have a family, a mortgage, responsibilities beyond going to school. I emailed her, letting her know that I do have adult responsibilities, and that I have been trying to find sustainable employment for over ten months. I have applied to everything that comes along that is not pennies in comparison to what I was making when I was downsized.

Sigh.

I don't know what to hope or pray for now. If I am offered the job I really can't turn it down. My family is depending on me. If, for whatever reason the background/reference check comes back negatively, I can certainly continue on with school and a possible job on campus and seek employment in the evenings/weekends. But is that what I want?

I just.. I'm confused.. I'm stressed. I want to cry. I want to believe that it will all work out, but I am afraid that the decision will be left to me and I don't know if I will be truly happy with either one.

Mom says not to stress myself out until that moment is here. I know she is right, but I have to figure out what I am doing come January. I also wish the decision wouldn't be left to me. :/

10 comments:

  1. I'm with your mom, stressing isn't going to help. Is it important to take these classes 'right now'? I know you have been working hard for your masters, but will it hurt to work on it a little longer so you can have the job you want? :)
    xx

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  2. @Tracey

    If this was my Masters, I'd take my time, but this is for my bachelor degree. :/

    Trying not to stress..

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  3. Hugs to you! And I think it'll work itself out in the end. There's no point worrying about something you can't fix right now

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  4. Like the others have said, stressing about it isn't going to change the outcome. It is a nice position to be in right now. I say go with your gut. School is good to have, but it will always be there (of course, I am fortunate to have a degree already, so that may cloud my stance). Let me know if I can help.

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  5. I've always told my daughter, "you know the answer... just look inside and listen." blessings ~ tanna

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  6. @GirlAnachronismE

    I think it will work out in the end, too. I'm not going to stress and get myself worked up any longer!

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  7. @Proud Mama

    Thanks -- I'm not going to stress. I'm going to make it all work out somehow!

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  8. @Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow

    Thanks Tanna! I'm listening.. it's just I'm still being pulled ;)

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  9. Your mom is wise. Congrats on the job offer, hope it is finalized and yours. Schools seem to delight in offering what is needed when you can't take it and then the profs wonder why no one signed up. Seriously had this conversation with one this term. He really did not get that a campus that prides itself on having a large non-trad population should try not to schedule so many classes right when the local elementary and middle schools let out.

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  10. @Julia

    Yes she is! Sadly, my heart still wants school, but my mind says I need the job. My mind will win out I am sure. Job still isn't official, but rumor has it they're starting to contact my references!

    The community college I am at, when I first started, was horrible when it came to non-trad students. However, within the past year they have added many classes to the evening, and Sat/Sun.

    Of course it's classes I don't need, so it's little help for me!

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