Monday, July 6, 2015

Sometimes you need to fall off the Earth and work your way back

I've been working on coming back to blogging over the past couple of weeks. A little bit of design updating, a new picture (I'll explain our addition soon), and just some overall sprucing up.


I think I had a bit of a breakdown in February. Classes had only been in session for a couple of weeks and I woke up one morning and I just couldn't convince myself to get out of bed and go to class let alone go to work afterward. Thankfully I have wonderful instructors and an understanding boss. I was okay after a couple of days, but my heart was in shredded pieces. I literally woke up that day and told Steve that I was completely and utterly heartbroken. That I was just so sad.


Most of the time it doesn't hurt to think about my Dad. I would say that 99% of the time I can talk about him now and not get weepy. It's no longer pain, but happy memories. There are times when Chase says or does something and I want to tell him, and I have to stop myself from doing so. My brother fills a lot of that gap. He gets all the silly "Chase moments" now. He gets to be my sounding board when it comes to school, work, and family. We're each other sounding board, really.


For the first six months after my father passed away, I still woke up around 3am. Dad had a hard time sleeping and would often be up in the middle of the night watching old monster movies and would text me. I was so accustomed to waking up, reading and responding to his texts, that when it suddenly stopped, my body didn't know how to adjust. So I made it a point that if I woke up I would whisper "Hey Dad, love you." and then go back to sleep. I realized that in the past month I'm not waking up as much at 3am now. I want to believe that when I wake up it's because he's thinking of me and I of him.


The spring was hard. Dad's birthday was in March (Delaware had a snowstorm that day -- my stepmother found that amusing since my dad hated the snow), Fara's birthday was in April along with their wedding anniversary. Adam and I made sure we gathered our forces and sent flowers on Valentine's Day (and are waiting until Fara has settled into her new home to gift her with her birthday and Mother's Day gifts).


Time is marching on. We're marching with it.


So, a few things worth mentioning.


Adam and Candace were married in March (on Pi day to be exact). I officiated. It was a small, casual affair one that I was originally going to be a witness by proxy (my father was going to be Adam's witness) for, but in the end I was asked if I would officiate. It was quite amusing.


Mom has been retired and living with us for over a year now. We've definitely had our ups and downs, but it has been wonderful having her with us.


The puppy in the picture is Yeti. We told Mom prior to her moving in that once things were settled, she could have a dog of her own. We spent months researching what breed would be best, and the Great Pyrenees won out. Yeti will be 5 months old next week. She is an absolute sweetheart and I am thankful that she is in our lives.


My nearly 14 year old son is growing too fast. He volunteered a week ago at Cub Scout day camp, a role which he took very seriously. He's becoming more active with the Scouts, and is spending what free time he has this summer with his friends down the street from us. He's now 5'10" (officially an inch taller than me!) and we won't even discuss that shoe size. *sigh*


I'm knitting when I can (and I even learned to crochet so I could make a present for my cousin who just had her first baby), and I plan to share my projects this Wednesday.


I decided to take the summer off from school so I could just breathe. This coming fall semester I will be taking 18 credit hours (all science, save for math), and working a little bit less to accommodate my lab schedule. If I go quiet for a while, I hope you will understand why.


It's good to be back to blogging. I have been reading and keeping up on what everyone is up to. I just didn't know how to respond. I miss you all.


xoxo


Em

4 comments:

  1. I have thought of you often Emily and am thrilled to see you here.
    I do understand about your Dad and I'm sorry. My Dad has been gone for 18 years and I still think of him every day. It will get easier, and one day you can think of him and smile.
    Thank you for all the news and please tell your mama hello from me. I love her dog.
    Enjoy your break from school and do something fun, even if it's just taking a nap.

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    1. Tracey I have missed you! I'm so glad you are not giving up your blog.

      Mom sends her warm greetings.

      Naps are so wonderful. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my time when I'm not at work and should be in class. I am sure I'll figure it out by the time fall semester starts.

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  2. I am so happy to hear from you! I am sorry about your dad and grief is a long process. I hope you continue to blog and we see snippets of your day. Love your Yeti!

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    1. Thank you! I've missed being in touch with you. Grief is definitely a long, hard process. It does get better day by day.

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